Stop Calling Children Nasty Names, by Amanda, Children’s Mental Health Counselor, from her blog “Dirt and Boogers”

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The other day I was at a baby shower for a friend of mine.  A guest shows up late and loudly exclaims

“I’m sorry I’m late, but my kids were being such assholes!”

She laughs and continues on about how her children just feel the need to be “needy little bastards”.  As she’s saying this she’s laughing and encouraging the other women in the group to agree with her.

I’m standing there, with a fake smile on my face, trying not to seem shocked.

You see, I have a very hard time when parents speak so negatively about their kids.

Our Thoughts Become Our Actions

Throughout my time working as a therapist, I’ve learned how powerful our thoughts are.  When we attach negative thoughts to things, we will treat those things worse than if we think positively about them.  This is true for ourselves, our husbands, and our kids.

If we think that our kids are assholes and bastards, we will treat them as such.  We will not have as much patience, we will not be as kind, and the relationship can easily be strained because of it.

Even though I know this Mom is struggling, I can’t help but think that if she was able to change her thought patterns that she might have an easier time with her children.

Like this…

“My child is not giving me a hard time.  My child is having a hard time.”

It’s About Respect

For me, I try very hard to respect the people in my life. This means that I speak about them in a respectful manner.

Calling anyone in my family an asshole or bastard to someone else is not respectful at all. If I wouldn’t say those things with them standing in front of me, than I won’t say it to a group of people.

The last thing I want is for people to have negative impressions of my kids before they even meet them.

If I go around calling them names and telling everyone about how horrible they are, I’m setting them up to be disliked before they even have a chance.

(To read more of this article, follow the link below…)

http://dirtandboogers.com/watch-what-you-say-about-kids/?utm_source=letslassothemoon.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_module

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The Love of a Mother and Her 3 Year-old Daughter, who Were Attacked With Acid by Their Husband/Father

Similar incidents to this happened in Vietnam when I lived there… one by a boy who was rejected by a girl (and then threw acid in her face) and one by a “loan shark” who threw acid over a young baby when his mother was unable to repay her debts. Such incidents, anywhere in the world, are shameful, particularly when the victims are frequently young women and children. A worthy charity to support, as this kind of violence, and it’s life long scars, is not often spoken about.

There is an organization to help! If you want to help, please check into ASTI (Acid Survivors Trust International).  They seem to be one of the few charities dealing with this.  Please follow the link below to their website…

http://www.acidviolence.org/

Kindness Blog

Somayeh Mehri (29) and Rana Afghanipour (3) are a mother and daughter living in Bam, southern Iran.

They were attacked with acid by Somayeh’s husband Amir.

Somayeh Mehri (29) with her daughter Rana Afghanipour Somayeh Mehri (29) and her daughter Rana Afghanipour (3) give each other a kiss. Since their disfigurement in an acid attack, they say, others don’t like to kiss them.

Somayeh had frequently been beaten and locked up by her husband, and finally found the courage to ask for a divorce. Amir warned her that if she persisted in her attempts to leave him, she would not live out life with the face she had.

One night in June 2011, he poured acid on Somayeh and Rana as they slept. Somayeh’s and Rana’s faces, hands, and, in places, their bodies were severely burned. Somayeh was blinded, and Rana lost one of her eyes.

Somayeh Mehri (29) and Rana Afghanipour

Somayeh’s father sold his land in order to raise money to pay…

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The Internet NEVER Forgets, by Ginger Kadlec

Internet FYWhile a picture is worth a thousand words, a digital picture is like words spoken — once it’s ‘out there’, you can’t take it back.

Far too many tweens and teens learn this lesson the hard way. Sexting or sharing compromising (including naked) photos with boyfriends or girlfriends is a frequent practice, one that can backfire in a dangerous way.

Here’s a common scenario…

Before girl knows it, her topless picture is spread all around her school, passed to other schools and lands on a mysterious site on the Internet.

Girl likes boy. Girl and boy flirt via texts. Boy asks girl for picture in her bra. Girl is embarrassed, but really likes boy, so snaps a quick selfie and hits “send”. Boy compliments girl and flirts some more. Boy asks girl to remove her bra and send another shot, while “promising” to keep it to himself. Girl is convinced boy really likes her, trusts him, and obliges. Boy is so excited about the photo, he shares it with his closest friend. The good friend thinks it’s cool and passes the photo on to another couple of guys. And so the telephone game begins. Before girl knows it, her topless picture is spread all around her school, passed to other schools and lands on a mysterious site on the Internet.

The Internet is relentless… it never forgets.

Think this doesn’t happen? Think again. In my own community here in Indiana, a similar story sadly played itself out. According to the Indy Star, the photos of between 20 and 30 former high school girls were anonymously posted to an online image board allowing the girls to be identified by entering a state and area code.

Read more at the following link…

http://www.gingerkadlec.com/posts/the-internet-never-forgets/

Humiliation, shame, fear… taking kids out in public!

Tantrum FYBy Kirsteen McLay-Knopp

Well, an interesting day today.  A friend and I were in a cafe with six kids… three of mine and her three.  The kids were noisy, not horrendously so, I thought, given that there were six of them aged from seven down to two and a half and they were very excited because they were having a treat (and maybe a tad affected by the sugar content of what they were eating).  An elderly lady (she would have been pushing 90) moved away from her table with difficulty (she staggered away without her zimmer frame walker and left her food and drink) to sit elsewhere.  Feeling guilty, my friend and I sent the children to a nearby play area.  I carried the zimmer frame to the offended lady and my friend carried the food and drink to her.  We both apologised for the noise our children had been making.   Despite her age, the offended woman had a “mouth like a trooper” and she let fly with some colourful adjectives about how children should behave in public.  The whole cafe were watching this scene.

'Kids, you let them pick the wine once and they think they have the right to do it every time.'I guess all this has led me to think of the whole issue of “taking kids out in public”.  We know people who rarely take their children out, because they find it stressful and feel deeply embarassed if the kids offend anyone.  Many even avoid situations such as church or restaurants for the same reason.  Certainly, kids in public can be hard work.  But there’s also the question of how they’re ever going to learn how they should behave if we’re fearful of taking them anywhere.  It’s a tricky balance.  People are entitled to shop in the supermarket or eat in a cafe or restaurant without having to listen to high pitched, frenetic kid noise (whether excited, tantruming or anything else).  On the other hand, some people are intolerant of anything to do with children and flash you a filthy look as soon as you enter a public place with your kids. For myself, I have to be honest and admit that the “other people” factor has a big part to play in how stressed or otherwise I feel about my children’s behaviour in public.  Basically, by this I mean that if I feel someone else is getting annoyed (even if unjustly so), my levels of stress, embarassment and anger at what my “little darlings” are doing shoots up dramatically.

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Ludwig Bemelmans’s beloved children’s story, Madeline, first published in 1939, tells us of the “Twelve little girls in two straight lines”. 

After the cafe incident, I had to stop in at the supermarket on the way home to buy a few things.  I wasn’t doing a full shop, but there were a few essentials I had to get.  My five and seven year old sons still seemed to be on a “high” after the cafe trip.  They tried to play tag, run and yell in the supermarket and even wrestled a little on the floor (for some reason I find wrestling particularly embarrassing).  Their four year old sister, meanwhile, beheld them with adoration, proudly pointing out to people that these were her big brothers.  These boys of mine were REALLY loud and at one point I lost it and said “Shut up!”.  I was mindful of others watching, especially after the cafe incident.  An older lady said, “it’s OK, dear, that’s what kids do,” and I immediately felt better– although some of my anger then subsided into guilt… these people had heard me tell my kids (gruffly) to shut up, what a terrible mother they must think I was… out of control as much as my sons (who, by the way, continued to wrestle).

Another friend told me a story recently of her children tipping a supermarket trolley onto themselves, the result of them standing on one side of the trolley after repeatedly being asked not to.  “You can’t watch them every single second,” my friend said, “especially if you have to look on the shelves for stuff.”  She also said that the embarrassment factor was high, as the falling trolley and screaming kids drew attention from everyone else who was there.  “But no one tried to help me pick up the trolley, groceries or children.”

sleep-deprived-toddler-having-a-tantrumYet another friend told me that she was shopping with her two and a half year old son (who was sitting in the kids’ seat in the trolley) when she suddenly became aware of lots of disapproving glances from other customers.  “My son wasn’t doing anything wrong or making a noise, but people just kept staring at him.”  She continued shopping and until quite some time later she  became aware that her child had pulled of his trousers and undies and was sitting in the trolley naked from the waist down.  “He, at two, wasn’t bothered, but I’m sure I went as red as a beacon.  I had to take of my sweatshirt to cover him up, then walk round the whole supermarket again to find the track pants and undies he’d wriggled out of… bizarrely, he was still wearing his sneakers and socks.  It might have been helpful if someone had told me what the wee monkey was doing.  Someone must have seen him take the stuff off!  I found it chucked in behind the margarine.  Newly toilet trained, he was so proud to be wearing undies and, as I put them back on, he kept telling other passing shoppers ‘ I don’t wear nappies anymore!'”

Children can be stressful.  A lot of these stories are funny to hear about, but we’d be mortified if they happened to us.  I’m not entirely sure what the answer is.  We can’t ban children from public places and we do have to teach them social etiquette.  Perhaps we need more empathy all around– helping struggling parents (like picking up a tipped trolly or pointing out an undressing toddler) is a great start.  Our local supermarket gives kids small pieces of bread left over from the bakery and slices of belgium from the deli– these things can create anticipation as well as distracting the eating child from pulling things off shelves or trying to get a parents’ attention.  I know it’s a cliche, but taking a good, old-fashioned deep breath works wonders too: it certainly has done for me on more than one occasion.

'Statistically, drooling is only cute for the first six months. After that we'll have to start screaming in public to get any kind of attention.'